Freak of Nature
by Evil Ducky
Summary: Johnny finds a person living in house 778! And it's another maniac! WOOT! Not a romantical friend, though the Brady force could make me do those type of things. A little angsty here and there. It'll get more funny as it goes on. READ AND BE STUPIFIED!!


Disclaimer: ZOOM! I am Evil Ducky! I do not own Johnny (though I wish I did) because  
it is owned by the dude with the trench coat. Otherwise known as Jhonen Vasquez. Is his  
name French? I dunno, it sound French. I also do not own Squee or Devi, because they  
are ALSO owned by the dude with the trenchcoat. But I DO own Ed. Woot.  
  
A/N: I dunno. I just felt like making this, because I can't draw JtHM that well, but I'm  
working on it! Even if I did, I still wouldn't make comics and show them to people. You  
see, Jhonen would know! He said his left earlobe vibrates when illegal-type stuff happens!   
He knows! HE KNOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWSSSSSSS!!!!!! Well, it's stupid. Ed is  
me. She go everywhere. She my ultimate fan character. Mwakka. Fthoom! Also, the  
Brady force makes me do...INTERESTING chapters now and then, so bear with me, kay?   
I have a creative mind! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!  
Freak of Nature  
by Evil Ducky  
  
Johnny woke up in a bad mood. Mostly because he woke up, because that meant  
he slept. He really needed to torture someone, but he didn't feel like going out to fetch  
more wretched souls, so he just took a trip down to the room that was occupied by a  
rather rude man that had called him a skinny Goth faggot with greasy hair. "Greasy hair  
my ass." mumbled Johnny as he stalked down the stairs.  
When he came upon the room that the man was in, he realized he heard to yelps  
and screams that he usually heard when he came in the room. Come to find out, he wasn't  
there. The locks were opened, and a trail of blood followed from the odd contraption to a  
wall. It went into the wall. "What the hell happened...?" said Johnny to himself as he  
surveyed the scene. He looked at the wall. He STARED at it. Something was different  
about that part of the wall where the blood disappeared. He walked up to the wall and  
pressed the palm of his hand up against it. It felt strangely warm. He began to feel the  
wall, tracing every crack with his fingers and he felt a deep crack that went up and over  
his head and down the other side, like a door. He dug his fingers into the crack and  
pulled. Nothing happened. He kicked the bottom of the wall with his boot. Nothing.   
Then, it hit him. There was something scratched into the wall. He tried to make out the  
word. "Doom...well, what does that have anything to do with anything?" said Johnny as  
he read the word. Then, the door began to move.  
It slowly swung open and let in a warm breeze of air. The trail of blood continued  
down the long hallway, which was lit with torches. "Hmm, so that's why it felt warm..."  
he started down the hallway, eager for something different, and the door swung closed  
behind him. He wasn't phazed at all. He continued to walk when he heard what sounded  
like incoherent rambling. The hall made a sharp turn and led into a room. Stairs went  
down into another room, where a door was left half open. Nny peeked into the room.  
Inside the room was a person. A girl, about his age, wearing a black trench coat  
and what looked like black boots, but he didn't know since she was facing away from him,  
and the trench coat covered her from her neck to her ankles. She had long, waist-length  
black hair with two pieces that stuck up at the top of her head. 'They look like  
antennae...' thought Nny. She was facing a guy who was apparently trying to scream, but  
had duct tape wrapped around his head to cover his mouth. It was the guy that had been  
in his room before. "Yooooouuuuuuu!! You can't escape from me! I have to use you to  
test my new experiment! I would have used that other guy, but I want to see him suffer  
more! BWA HA HA HA!" said the girl, who was obviously talking to the guy. Nny  
couldn't help but snicker. "Now..." said the girl as she put on a pair of lab goggles,  
"prepare to be blown up into little pieces of meat to feed to my chickens!" She grabbed a  
remote with a big red shiny button. Nny's eyes widened like an ignorant little child in a  
candy store. He liked big red shiny buttons. 'Push it!' he thought. The girl traced the rim  
of the button with her finger, and then placed her finger on the button. The guy screamed.  
She raised her finger above the button ever so slightly, and then quick as a flash  
tuned her hand into a fist and smacked the button with the side of her fist. A tiny  
high-pitched beep sounded and then  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! The guy blew up, and his parts  
flew everywhere. A peice of thick clear plastic had shot up in front of the girl before the  
exlosion, lucky for her. But unlucky for Nny, some blood and guts splattered all over his  
shirt. He just cleaned that shirt!!! But despite the stuff on his shirt, an unexpected surge  
of joy ran through Johnny that he just couldn't help but squee in delight and jump around  
like a little boyscout. [A/N: damn popcorn sellin' boyscouts!!!] The girl jumped and spun  
around. "Who goes there!?" she yelled. Johnny noticed that she in fact WAS wearing  
boots, and they were mid-shin length with buckles and about a 1" platform. She was also  
wearing long black cargo shorts that looked like they were bought from the boy's section,  
and a long black shirt that said "If I ever gave a shit, you'd be the first one I'd give it to."   
She also had on a dog collar and was wearing a pair of silver cross earrings. She had red  
eyes and olive colored skin, and her nails were painted black.   
The girl straightened up and lifted up her goggles. She liked what she saw. A tall,  
skinny boy, not much older or younger than herself, wearing tattered black shorts and  
black knee-high buckled boots with steel toes that that looked like cleaven toes. He also  
had a black striped shirt that said "Gone the way of my sanity" and messy black spiky hair.   
[A/N: I like spiky hair!] "How do you do, kind sir?" she said, bowing low. "I am Ed. Ed  
G." Nny bowed back. "I am called Johnny C. But since you are so kind as to adress me  
properly, you may call me Nny." Ed took off her goggles completely. "Did you enjoy my  
display? You seemed rather... THRILLED to see that rude man blown into tiny bits."   
"Oh, yes, yes I was!! That was so neat! How did you do that? Can you do it again?"   
asked Nny, stepping into the room. "Why, yes I can." said Ed. "If you like, you may  
choose who you would like to have executed." "Ohh, can I?" said Nny, obviously thrilled  
beyond his wits. "Right this way, Nny!" said Ed, beckoning to another room that had  
noises coming from it.  
In the room there were about 50 people in different torture devices, quite the same  
as Johnny's but a bit more high-tech. One of them screeched at Ed. "Hey, you stupid  
whore!! Is that your pimp or something!?" Ed turned toward the guy and kicked him in  
the head, as he was upside down. "I SWEAR, IF YOU EVER CALL ME A WHORE  
AGAIN YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!!!!" she yelled. Ed  
turned to Nny. "You see, Nny!? This guy was up next, but I wanted to se him suffer  
more!!" Johnny nodded. "Do you have a knife?" he asked. "Yes I do." Ed pulled out a  
side of her jacket to reveal several knives, some bloodstained, some rusted, some shiny  
and new. Some kitches knives, some daggers, some broken swords. "Take your pick."  
she said. Nny had set his eyes on a particularly jagged one, with many runted spots and a  
handle that was wrapped with medical tape. "That one." he said, as he pointed to it.   
"Good choice." she said, handing it to him. Johnny took the knife and walked up to the  
guy. He knelt down in front of his face. "You." he said, coldly. "You EVER...call me a  
PIMP again, I'll cut off your balls and pin them to the wall so you can see them and cry  
your pathetic heart out over your 'manliness'! I hope the blood rushes to your head and  
your brain oozes out of your ears!" he said as he lightly but firmly dragged the knife down  
the guy's head, making a gash down the side of his head, and then stabbing the guy in the  
stomach twice before handing Ed back the knife. "My job is done." said Nny, smiling  
evilly. "I admire your skill!" said Ed. The guy was crying and yelling about how he'd  
never say anything again as long as they'd let him go and not cut off his happy spot. [A/N:   
That's what I call it. The 'happy spot'. It hasn't made me happy...and it probably never  
will, cuz no one wants me. *laugh*]   
"That was refreshing." said Johnny, cracking his knuckles. "How about this guy?   
If you want to see why he's down here just read that peice of paper with the number on  
it." Ed pointed to a guy with preppy clothes on. "Um, you number your people and write  
down why they're here?" asked Nny. "Yeah. I need to have a good reason to put them  
here. And even if I think it was a good reason then, I could forgive them...but I usually  
don't. I hate unpleasant people. They've been spawning...breeding their own wretched  
kind. They're like cockroaches. They don't go away." "I agree." said Nny. [A/N:  
MAN!! It's 1:09 am, I'm usuing my laptop, and I have the most horrible headache. I  
can't write anymore. Shit...be back later (7:35 am) ARRRGH!! I must have fallen  
asleep!! At least the head monster is away. Grrrrr.]  
Nny read the paper. "#765, made fun of my appearance every day for 2 months  
before I lost it.". Nny turned his head toward Ed. "I know this guy. He made fun of me  
for a couple weeks...as soon as I wanted to kill him, I couldn't find him. So THIS is  
where he went..." Nny glanced back at the paper and nodded his head. "This guy. It's in  
my benefit also." Ed pulled a key out of her inside pocket and unlocked the thingies. She  
bent over slightly, leveling her eyes with the guy. "You're goin' for a ride, buddy." The  
guy looked at Ed. "I thought whores were supposed to be pretty...and short.". Ed just  
about blew up. "What IS IT with you people and calling me a WHORE!? And WHAT  
does being tall have to do with ANYTHING!? Plenty of girls are tall!! And not all  
whores are pretty!! Even so, I AM NOT A WHORE!!". Ed pulled out a sword form the  
other side of her trench coat, and sliced the guy's throat, lightly. "Maybe you'll think  
about what you said as all of your shit drains out from your neck before you get blown  
up!" Ed said slowly, and Johnny snickered in the back. "I think I'll enjoy seeing this guy  
blown up." he said. Nny walked up the stairs with Ed dragging the guy by the collar of his  
sweater. She slammed the door behind her with her foot. (The scene is still in the room  
with the people) Everyone looked around shiftily. They then heard screaming coming  
from the room, and then a huge BOOOOOOMM!!!!!!!! Then the sounds of two  
overjoyed homicidal maniacs whooping with joy, as what was most likely meat pieces  
slapping the door and walls and sliding down to the floor.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Wheeeeeeeeeee!!! End chapter one! Don't ask. I needed to make this to get it out of my  
mind. Let's just say, if Jhonen were dead (Let's hope he lives forever), we'd all be making  
him turn in his grave. WOOT! Until the next chapter, BE NICE TO THE MIDGETS!!! 


End file.
